a sPIRITUAL dILEMMA rATHER tHAN A mENTAL iLLNESS

“ACA (takes a) spiritual approach to the disease of family dysfunction. In ACA, we view our compulsive thinking and dependent behavior as a spiritual dilemma rather than a mental illness. We have no quarrel with science and medicine, which have made great strides in mapping and studying the brain. Such clinical work is of great importance in understanding human behavior and brain functions. We freely use such clinical labels as depression, panic disorder, bipolar, dissociation, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Some ACA members have been diagnosed as multiple personalities and as schizophrenic.

“We do not believe our brains are missing any elements. We start with the premise that we are whole and that we had a normal reaction to an abnormal situation of being raised in a dysfunctional home. Our normal reaction to protect ourselves has created survival traits, compulsions, and self-harming behaviors, which respond to the ACA Steps and spiritual remedies. We are not minimizing the severity of our situation as adult children. The disease of family dysfunction manifests itself in dependency, addiction, and dissociative personalities. The disease can kill. Every day, adult children commit suicide, die in addiction, or die one day at a time in silent isolation, thinking they are hopeless. In ACA, we believe we were born whole and became fragmented in body, mind, and spirit through abandonment and shame. We need help finding a way to return to our miracle state.”

(ACA Red Book, Page 142)

THE ACA PROMISES

We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.

Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.

Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.

Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.

As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.

We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.

We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.

We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.

Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.

Fears of failures and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.

With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.

Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we learn to expect the best and get it.

(ACA Red Book, Page 591)

THE ACA SERENITY PRAYER

God, grant me the serenity,

to accept the people I cannot change,

The courage to change the one I can,

And the wisdom to know that one is me.

THE FEELINGS WHEEL

This chart may help you identify how you feel, and help lead you to the source of that feeling. If you are not familiar with the 12 Step support group Adult Children Of Alcoholics (ACA).

THE SEQUENCE OF ACA RECOVERY

Not everyone recovers using the same path, at the same rate, or using the same methodology. The following 12 Step type sequence has helped millions in various recovery programs. Use what you like and leave the rest.

§ Hitting bottom /Asking for and accepting help

§ Admitting powerlessness and unmanageability

§ Becoming open to spirituality and a spiritual solution

§ Getting honest / Inventorying our past

§ Telling our story openly and honestly with another

§ Humbly seeking the removal of shortcomings

§ Finding self-forgiveness

§ Making amends to those harmed

§ Continuing inventory of daily thoughts and behavior

§ Finding discernment

§ Meditating and seeking spiritual direction

§ Practicing love and self-love

§ Carrying the message of recovery to others

TURNING POINTS OF RECOVERY

· There is another reality than the one I live. I want it.

· I am willing to take some risks to have it.

· If you have pain, you deserve to heal.

· If you have anger or guilt from the past, you deserve to heal.

· If you are protecting yourself from pain in ways that are causing you even more pain in the present, you deserve to heal.

· The pain we feel is not only from the past, but also from the past-driven present.

· We were powerless in the past, but we are not powerless in the present.

· We are not our pain.

· Our pain is our responsibility.

· What we do about our pain is a choice we make.

· To say, “I did not learn this very basic skill and I need to know how” is a turning point.

· Recovery isn’t changing who you are. It is letting go of who you are not.

· All or nothing thinking – Recovery is learning the numbers 2 through 9.

· By recognizing that you are in the process of recovery, you are beginning to shine your own light.

· You deserve to begin rebuilding your life in a new direction.

· Learning to love yourself does not mean you love others less. Instead it frees you to love them more.

· The awareness that now you can choose to be free from the secrets you grew up with.

· The awareness of your own family role.

· The awareness that we have adopted a protective role.

· The awareness that we no longer need that role to survive. · The awareness that your own growth is not about getting other people to change.

· Intimacy is about being close. Intimacy is trusting another with who you are without the fear of rejection.

· I am responsible for the choices I make in my life.

· It is in the acceptance of all that was and is, that our spirits become whole. · We are not in control.

· I do not depend on others to accept myself.

· When people leave (abandon) me, it is not a judgment of my worth.